How we met

Well. What the heck. I need somewhere to post all these unsaid feelings. I need a place to express and I really hope no one would find this blog. They probably won't anyways. Sooooooo. Its 4 am in the morning.. and as always i'm staying up finishing up homework. I just don't know what has gotten into me this year. I've been SLACKING ALOT. I'm UNORGANIZED. THIS IS NOT ME. Where are you old Zana? I miss you.. do come back. I am not like this. I'm usually that sweet girl who has got everything together, who isn't so insecure, who isn't so worried about what others think of her. I had confidence. But it all vanished when I met up with one of my Facebook friends. The first time I saw his name of my news feed . was when my cousin, Farah Adilah (aka Muna) liked one of his photos. I don't usually stalk guys (seriously I never had up to this point)  until I found myself on his profile looking at some of his profile pics. Silly enough, I added him much later. I thought it would be good to have him as a friend...... But much to my surprise he started to message me. I was like "should I message him back?" But the other part of me said, "Epp! Zana!! You don't know him.. Mama, Ayah, and Kak Sarah would definitely.. *hand action to neck*. But, I answered anyways.. We started to talk, get to know each other and things. And honestly, he was a fun guy to talk to :) I wasn't reaaaaaaaaaaaaally looking for a relationship.. but just as friends you know. The only boyfriend I had was older than me... But i'm not sure how many years.. But my relationship with him  lasted only 2 weeks? WHUT. HAHA. Anywho. This facebook friend of mine wasn't really my type.. His appearance isn't someone I would go for.. But as days and months went by, His personality and charisma made his face something you would wanna wake up next to every morning. Someone you'd be glad to live with :') He knew I was from Canada, I knew he was from Singapore. We promised by day that we would meet each other when I went back this Summer. Honestly, I was really excited. LIKE HOW I GET EXCITED OVER FOOD WHEN I SEE IT (Sorry i'm so random.. But you have to know my relationship for food is REALLY STRONG LOL). When I reached SG in the Summer, I traveled with Kak Sarah.. Luckily enough. I hated the feeling I had when I had to travel alone the previous year.. It was HORRIBLE. So when we reached the airport.. I was finally glad to be here again. The people, the atmosphere, the food, the family.. OH I love you all from my heart.. Seriously, no joke. But another thing that kept roaming my mind was when I would meet my facebook friend.. "Does he even want to meet me?" I kept questioning myself. I got worried. Insecurity hits me. That's when I started to keep checking the mirror. "I'm not good enough for anyone to meet me." Don't get worked up. I appreciate the way Allah has made me, Alhamdulillah. Its just that i'm so insecure, don't know what for. Maybe because I always find beauty in all girls except for me.. I gotta say i'm only average looking. So I keep getting off the story line.. SOWWY xD Okay. We're at the airport. I keep thinking of this friend.. Let's call him "F". So I keep thinking of F.. As days and a month pass by.. We had small convos on facebook. I would sometimes initiate on how to meet him and stuff.. But sadly enough, Since it was the Month of Ramadan.. We were fasting.. And he said he'll be more free after the month of Ramadan.. In my head I was like.. " BOY YOU ARE CRAZY.. I WON'T BE HERE FOR THAT LONG.. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT." HAHA JOKING xD But I was disappointed, because it meant I wasn't able to meet up with him. So I decided to forget everything. I'm really good at making myself do that. I would just ignore whatever I thought I had for him and Let go. Time flew by and I had only a couple days left in SG. It was sad, but at least I got to do some of the things I wanted :') It wasn't until then, he messaged me about meeting up and going to Garden By the Bay together.. I was hesitant, but I agreed. It was on a Sunday.. And my flight was the next day. I told Fizah, Kak Sarah, and Syu. I was a little nervous and I asked them if they could follow me hehe. Sunday arrives and I woke up quite early because my clothes had to be ready (it wasn't).. It was a pink knee-cut dress and a chiffon cream hooded cardigan. I don't usually wear skirts.. but Fizah said its a good combo.. LESIGH. I wore it anyways. HAIYO. It was almost time and he was going to pick me up that day :') I still remember.. I was in the middle of doing my eye-liner.. and he arrived. I was like AHHHHHHHOMGSAVEMEIDONTKNOWWHATTODOGAAAAAH!!! But my cousin kept saying, "BREATHE ZANA BREATHE." I got Kak Sarah to tell him to wait for awhile.. And to come inside. But at the same time Mak Long was like, "ZANARIAH.. OOOOH ZANARIAH." She kept calling me. A few seconds later, my cousin kept saying, "Zana!! Zana!! Look at him waiting outside for you!!" My heart literally fell. I still remember. The blue shirt he was wearing, the jeans, the forest green shoes, the chain around his pocket. Everything. I was panicked. I never finished my eyeliner and I got to the mirror quick. My hands was shaking and my eyeliner was really messed up later teeeheee heee. I ended up walking down 3 stories to get to him. Honestly, I thought he was waiting inside.. But he wasn't xD Its expected for a guy to react this way. So I saw him.. And I was like wow. He's really adorable in person. But I thought he was bigger haha. But his size is a good size yknow? Not too muscular, but lean. I was sort of melting in a way.. So I didn't want to make that much eye contact. So from then on, we left to go to Gardens by the Bay. To be continued.....